Even the World Knows There's A Difference

Table Manners for Little Ones

This is from Home Dissertations,

Domestic Life, 1890

by Mrs. E. Stevens Tilton

In silence I must take my seat,

And give God thanks before I eat;

Must for my food inpatience wait,

Till I am asked to hold my plate.

I must not scold, nor whine, nor pout,

Nor move my chair nor plate about;

With knife, or fork, or napkin ring,

I must not play, nor must I sing;

I must not speak a useless word,

For children should be seen, not heard;

I must not talk about my food,

Nor fret if I don't think it good;

I must not say, "The bread is old,"

"The tea is hot, " "The coffee cold."

I must not cry for this or that

Nor murmur if my meat is fat.

My mouth with food I must not crowd,

Nor while I'm eating speak aloud;

Must turn my head to cough or sneeze,

And when I ask say, "If you please;"

The table-cloth I must not spoil,

Nor with my food my fingers soil;

Must keep my seat when I have done;

Nor round the table sport or run;

When told to rise, then I must put

My chair away with noiseless foot,

And lift my heart to God above,

In praise of all his wondrous love.

Guarding our Mouth

It is written in the proverb:

Proverbs 13:3 - He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.

Here are some scriptures to consider:

Ecclesiastes 5:3 - For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool's voice is known by multitude of words.

Proverbs 15:2 - The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.3 - The eyes of YAHWEH are in every place, beholding the evil and the good. 4 - A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

Do you desire life?

Psalms 34:12 - What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? 13 - Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. 14 - Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.

Guarding our mouth is nearly impossible apart from Yahweh:

James 3:1 - My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. 2 - For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.

If we can bridle the tongue, we can also bridle the whole body!

James 3:3 - Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 - Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 - And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.

Even so, the tongue is so set that it defiles our whole body!!

Proverbs 16:27 - A worthless man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire.

continuing in James..

James 3:7 - For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. 8 - But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 - With it we bless YAHWEH our Father and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of YAHWEH. 10 - Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. 11 - Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? 12 - Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh. 13 - Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct [that] his works are done in the meekness of wisdom.

So in context, there is a certain danger that exists for those who are teachers of Yahweh as well as all of Yahweh's servants. Let us heed Yahushua's warning:

Matthew 12:35 - A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. 36 - But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37 - For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

Truly this is a powerful saying! We need to always consider that every word we speak will be brought before the Judge. Can we stand before the Son of Man? If we can't bridle the tongue, who can? Surely we must be humble and ask Yahweh to put a guard on our mouths...

Psalms 141:3 - Set a watch, O YAHWEH, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. 4 - Incline not my heart to any evil thing, to practise wicked works with men that work iniquity: and let me not eat of their dainties.

With Yahweh guarding our mouth, we can be preserved.

Proverbs 13:3 - He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.

Our own mouth can be a snare!

Proverbs 12:13 - The wicked is snared by the transgression of his lips: but the just shall come out of trouble.

When we guard our lips, we preserve ourselves from potential troubles:

Proverbs 21:23 - Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

David knew this wise saying:

Psalms 39:1 - I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me. 2 - I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred.

Yahushua also knew this:

Isaiah 53:7 - He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. 8 - And when Herod saw Yahushua, he was exceeding glad: for he was desirous to see him of a long season, because he had heard many things of him; and he hoped to have seen some miracle done by him. 9 - Then he questioned with him in many words; but he answered him nothing.

We need to ask Yahweh to help us be like Yahushua and hold back the tongue.

Proverbs 29:20 - Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

Consider that! Of all the times that the word "fool" occurs in the scriptures, 55% of them are in the book of Proverbs where foolishness is condemned on no uncertain terms! And yet there is more hope for a FOOL than for one who is hasty in his words!!! Now let's look closely at another passage in James:

James 1:26 - If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion [is] useless.

The greek lexicon reveals that in this passage, 'religious' means to 'fear Yahweh'. "Religion" in this passage means 'Worship'. Therefore, a more accurate translation would be:

"If any man among you seem to be Yahweh-fearing, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's worship is vain."

Wow brethren, this is SERIOUS! Consider Yahushua's words:

Mark 7:7 - Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctines the commandments of men.

The words and teachings of the scribes and pharisees were not of Yahweh. Therefore their worship was vain! So if anyone says they fear Yahweh but bridles not their tongue, then they deceive themselves and their "WORSHIP IS VAIN!"

Proverbs 10:18 - He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. 19 - In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.

James 1:19 - So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

Proverbs 10:20 - The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth. 21 - The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom.

Our words need to be like spiritual food. If we speak, to what should our speech be likened unto?

1Peter 4:11 - If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of YAHWEH. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which YAHWEH supplies, that in all things YAHWEH may be glorified through Yahushua the Messiah, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever.

Yes, if and when we do speak, it should be as the oracles of Yahweh!

Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart favor to the hearers.

Colossians 4:6 - Let your speech be alway with favor, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

Yahushua commented on the speech of one:

John 1:46 - And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see. 47 - Yahushua saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!

Ephesians 5:3 - But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 - neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.

Jesting is a popular thing today. But Yahweh says:

Proverbs 26:18 - As a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, 19 - So is the man that deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in sport?

We need to pay particular attention to our words on Yahweh's Sabbath day:

Isaiah 58:13 - If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of YAHWEH, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words:

"Nor speaking thine own words." Speak the oracles of Yahweh! Spiritual food! Like choice silver..refined 7 times!

Isaiah 58:14 - Then shalt thou delight thyself in YAHWEH; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of YAHWEH hath spoken it.

The heritage of Jacob is eternal life!!

Psalms 12:6 - The words of YAHWEH are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.

Therefore.. Let us beware lest we fall into condemnation!

Ecclesiastes 12:14 - For Elohim shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil. .

So consider the ways in which you walk. Consider the words that you speak. Are they acceptable unto Yahweh? If not? Repent! Right now. I now repent. This is my prayer:

Psalms 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O YAHWEH, my strength, and my redeemer.

"That Which Becometh Women Professing Godliness" By Jennifer M. McBride Aug 9, 2005 - 10:33:00 AM

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. ~ I Timothy 2:9,10

Under the influence of the culture surrounding us, it is easy for the lines of distinction between Christians and the world to be blurred if we are not on guard. That thing that seemed so shocking at first glance now doesn't look so bad, and before we know it, we are participating in it quite cheerfully! This can happen to all of us in a myriad of ways. Since this is such a real and present danger (a danger which grows all the deadlier as our culture grows ever more evil and races faster and farther from anything remotely resembling Scriptural principles) it is vitally important that we exhort and encourage each other to continually examine ourselves, and our lives, in the light of God's Word.

Immodesty and cross-dressing are not new. Even a brief look at fashion history shows that, when people and nations reject God's standards, their "fashions" tend toward exploitation or gender-neutral designs. Truly, "there is nothing new under the sun."

For women, especially young women, clothing is one such area that can be greatly affected by our culture. As the world around us grows bolder and barer in its fashions, we can begin to lose perspective as to what is appropriate and what is not. Over the last several years, I have watched with increasing dismay as the clothing of many young Christian women has become more and more immodest, revealing, and like that of the world. This is an issue of a deeply serious nature, since it goes beyond just clothing and affects the area of purity as well; both our own and others'. As a young woman myself and as your sister in Christ, this causes me great concern for you. With a husband, a young son, a father, and five brothers, I also have a deep concern for the stumbling block immodest clothing can be to our brethren. Thus, I feel the need, as your sister in Christ, to take keyboard in hand (with a very wriggly baby on my lap!) to exhort and encourage my younger sisters in this most serious area.

While there are many reasons for dressing modestly, I am going to focus on the four most vitally important. First and most importantly, the Lord has a Standard that does not change for every area of our lives, and He has given us these standards in His Word. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16,17 KJV).

The world, on the other hand, has no set standard but is constantly changing and given over to every whim of whatever is popular. As Christians, we can't use the world as our measuring stick. Not only is the world undependable and unsteady, but in James 4:4 we read, "Know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." In Romans 12:2, the Lord also tells us, "Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Therefore, we need to look to God's Holy Word as our guide and measure everything by it alone.

Throughout Scripture we see a pattern for covering our bodies. God says in His Word that we are to cover our nakedness, and He does define what constitutes "nakedness." After Adam and Eve sinned, the Bible says, "And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons" (Genesis 3:7). Adam and Eve immediately covered their private parts, believing this would hide their "shame" from the Lord. But what did God do with these coverings? "Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them" (3:21). The fig-leaf "aprons" fashioned by our first parents were not enough. God made them coats to cover their bodies. This presents us with an important truth that goes beyond clothing. Our feeble works cannot cover our sins; God has to cover us in His way. When Adam and Eve covered their private parts, God replaced their inadequate coverings with coats to completely clothe their bodies. This is a beautiful picture of the covering of Christ’s atoning blood, which completely hides our sins rather than putting a patch over the "old man" here and there. "In other words," writes Jeff Pollard, "God did not give a fur bikini to represent our righteousness and salvation." [1]

When applied specifically to clothing, we learn that our own ideas about what constitutes modest clothing must be governed by God’s infallible Standard. If we refuse to let God’s perfect Word guide us in the area of dress, we are foolish, unsubmissive rebels. And even if we insist upon a "cultural" interpretation of the modesty and dress passages, if the idolatrous cities of Corinth and Rome called for Christian modesty, does not our modern culture with its rampant pornography, prostitution, and other abuses of women make the call even more urgent and timely?

I Timothy 2:9 tells us, "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety." And what exactly is modesty? While it is a word that encompasses many meanings, all can be applied to the issue of clothing. Jeff Pollard, author of Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America, sums it up this way:

Christian modesty is the inner self-government, rooted in a proper understanding of one's self before God, which outwardly displays itself in humility and purity from a genuine love for Jesus Christ, rather than in self-glorification or self-advertisement. Christian modesty then will not publicly expose itself in sinful nakedness. [2]

And what is “shamefacedness and sobriety?”

Shamefacedness describes "a moral revulsion from all that is unseemly, a rejection of even the appearance of the overstepping of the limits of womanly reserve." Sobriety "stands for that inner judgment produced in the believer by the Scripture and the Spirit of God, that provides a restraint on every merely physical or human appetite." [3]

Scripture also tells us that women are to be "discreet and chaste" (Titus 2:5KJV)--meaning caution, prudence and purity--and that we are to adorn ourselves with the "ornament of a meek and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4 KJV). Girls, when you wear tight, form-fitting, low-cut, see-through, attention-grabbing, revealing clothing and carelessly (or deliberately) expose your body, this is dressing in direct opposition to the guidelines given to us in God's Holy Word!

Secondly, as Christian women we must remember that we are representatives of our Lord Jesus Christ. "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1Corinthians 6:20). When people look at us, do they see something pure, holy, and different? Do they see something about us that marks us as belonging to the Lord? Or are we dressed like the scantily clad majority, wearing clothing that looks more like the "attire of an harlot" spoken of in Proverbs 7 than that becoming a woman of God? What we wear either brings glory to the Lord or shames Him. When we wear clothing that is immodest and revealing of our bodies, not only are we not drawing people to Christ; we could be enticing them to sin.

Thirdly, we are to keep our bodies private and covered. Our bodies are not to be on free display for all. Did you know that, in addition to belonging the Lord, your body also belongs to your future husband? "God designed man to enjoy and appreciate a woman’s body -- more specifically, his wife’s body. The Song of Solomon is a breathtaking tribute to the beauties of human love and the gifts of femininity and masculinity. Proverbs exhorts a husband to enjoy his wife’s body, which is his own and belongs to the gaze of no other man (Proverbs 5:19). When you wear low-cut necklines, you are offering to the public what belongs to your husband alone to enjoy. Will your husband be happy to know that countless men before him have enjoyed beauties that should 'ravish' him alone?" [4]

Let's imagine for a moment that a family has entrusted a banker with a box full of beautiful, expensive jewels. They have been in the family for generations and are priceless and irreplaceable. Now imagine that, rather than quietly locking those jewels in the bank's vault, the banker puts them out in the middle of the bank's main lobby in a glass case with no lock on the door. He takes great pains to display them very attractively and put up colorful signs that draw the attention of all who walk by. Would that be wise? Do you think that the owners of those jewels would appreciate it? I think that we would all certainly agree that that would be the height of foolishness and that the owners of the jewels would be horrified.

Can you see the parallels between those jewels and you? Do you realize that those jewels represent your body? Your jewels also belong to another and should be kept safely locked up for him. Would your future husband wish you to be careless with these treasures? Would he enjoy knowing how many other men had seen, been attracted to, and enjoyed gazing at them; to know how many other men had dreamed of owning what was rightfully his alone; to know of the potential risk to the safety of his jewels? I think we can safely answer all of these questions with a resounding "no."

Proverbs 31 asks "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her ... She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Let us be such women, whose "price is far above rubies!" Let us not present ourselves as being cheap and of little worth, but rather as those who have been bought with a great price (1 Corinthians 6:20). Protect the treasures that belong to your husband, so that his heart may safely trust in you. Do your husband good all the days of your life; even now, before you know who he might be.

Finally, by dressing in an immodest fashion, we can create a serious stumbling block to our brothers in Christ, causing them to lust. This is not a light matter. While men are most certainly responsible to guard their eyes and their hearts, we are also responsible if we dress in such a way that causes them to stumble. It is a real struggle for our brothers in this day and age in which scantily clad women are around every corner (and lining the highways and byways!). As women, we do not even begin to realize the magnitude of this struggle. It is extremely grieving that our brothers cannot even have a respite from this battle when they gather together with other Christians to remember the Lord. How can a man truly focus on simply worshiping his Savior when he is constantly having to avert his eyes and be careful where he looks, lest he see something that could entice him to sin?

Do you also realize that while your Christian brothers may be battling lust, the majority of men in the world would think it was silly to even put up a fight? You have no idea what thoughts you may be inciting in the many men you pass as you walk through the mall. I have a feeling that you would be appalled. At best, you are allowing yourself to possibly be used as an object of lust by any man who sees you, and, at worst, you could be putting your very safety at stake.

Think again of the analogy of the jewels. Most likely the majority of the people passing by those unguarded jewels in the bank lobby would not be thieves; but more than likely most people would be drooling at the thought of owning those jewels! They would be dreaming of what they could do if only those jewels belonged to them; they would feel tempted by how easily within reach those jewels were; they might start to imagine how they could actually go about taking those jewels and how much they would enjoy owning them. Many would stand and stare at the jewels, admiring and enjoying their beauty. Most people would not actually take the jewels, but many would entertain thoughts of "what if." Perhaps, eventually, a man who had never really thought he would steal something would be overcome by just how easily in reach those jewels were and would give in to the temptation to steal one. "Surely it would not be wrong to take one; they must really not be all that valuable--after all, they are sitting here out on display and unguarded!" Or, perhaps a professional jewelry thief was passing by and, with no qualms of conscience, simply stole them all.

Do you know that when you dress in a revealing, sensual way, you are treating your jewels as carelessly as that banker treated those entrusted to him? You are sending the message that your jewels really aren't all that valuable and are free for the taking; you could even be catching the eye of a jewel thief.

Please think about your clothing; perhaps you have not realized that it is immodest. Examine your wardrobe. Try on your clothing in front of a full-length mirror and put it through some rigorous, prayerful testing! What can you see when you bend over, when you lift your arms, when you sit down? If your clothing is revealing parts of your body that should not be seen by the general public; if your clothing is revealing your undergarments; if your clothing is form-fitting and so tight that very little is left to the imagination as to what your body is shaped like; if your shirts are low cut, open and cleavage-baring, if your skirts and dresses are so short that when you sit down it is likely that the person across from you will see what they should not, then please realize that this is not the attire befitting a woman of God.

You owe it to the Lord who has bought you with a great price to dress as though you belong to Him and not to the Enemy. You owe it to yourself to dress as though you are not cheap and free for the taking, but are a valuable child of God. You owe it to your future husband to save yourself for him in every way.

There is such joy and beauty to be found in doing things the Lord's way! Let's not fall for the lies that Satan would have us believe. Let us seek the Lord in all that we do, whether it is popular or not. Let's seek the path of purity and godly womanhood. The blessings that the Lord has for those that follow Him are rich and plentiful. "Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord" (Psalm 119:1). "Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways" (Psalm 128:1). "For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11).

Jennifer McBride is a homeschool graduate and a very happy wife and mother. She and her husband have been blessed with four small children (ages 4,3,2 and ten months) and operate Old Paths, a website dedicated to encouraging a return to the "old paths" of Scripture and the Biblical pattern for raising a godly family.

End Notes:

1. Pollard, Jeff. Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America. Vision Forum.com
2. Ibid
3. Allen, J. What the Bible Teaches/ 1 Timothy
4. Chancey, Jennie. "Modesty and the Christian Woman"

© Copyright 2002-2008 by LAF/BeautifulWomanhood.org

George Washington's Rules of Civility

In the late nineteenth century, a school notebook entitled "Forms of Writing" was discovered at Mount Vernon, Virginia, George Washington's plantation home on the Potomac River. The notebook apparently dates from about 1745, when George was fourteen years old and attending school in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Inside, in George's own handwriting, we find the foundation of a solid character education for an eighteenth-century youth: some 110 "Rules of Civility in Conversation Amongst Men." Historical research has shown that young George probably copied them from a 1664 English translation of an even older French work. Most of the rules are still delightfully applicable as a modern code of personal conduct. On the assumption that what was good enough for the first president of the United States is good enough for the rest of us, here are fifty-four of George Washington's "Rules of Civility."

1. Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.

2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet.

3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not when others stop.

4. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.

5. Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played with.

6. Read no letters, books, or papers in company; but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must ask leave. Come not near the books or writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.

7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.

8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.

9. They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.

10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin.

11. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.

12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.

13. In writing or speaking give to every person his due title according to his degree and the custom of the place.

14. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.

15. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it savors of arrogancy.

16. When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it.

17. Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness.

18. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.

19. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precept.

20. Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curses nor revilings.

21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.

22. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place.

23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes handsomely.

24. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.

25. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to govern.

26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.

27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed.

28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them, change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends.

29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to be some cause.

30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest or earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occasion.

31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.

32. Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.

33. Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.

34. If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side.

35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters, and superiors.

36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.

37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously.

38. Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.

39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.

40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the company of others.

41. Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.

42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not.

43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those that speak in private.

44. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise.

45. When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to.

46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak or laugh.

47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.

48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of discourse.

49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.

50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.

51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company.

52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.

53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.

54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Blessings,
Amanda

from achristianhome.org

Modesty: Does God Really Care What I Wear?

In like manner also, that women adorn
themselves in modest apparel, with
shamefacedness and sobriety; not with
broided hair, or gold or pearls, or costly array;
but (which becometh women professing godliness)
with good works.
1 Timothy 2.9-10

This series of several pieces can all be located by clicking on the above title... "Modesty: Does God Really Care What I Wear?"

Other pieces include:
Clothing Communicates
Godly Garments
Philosophies in Conflict
Free to Be Modest
Modesty: Who's to Blame
Modesty: The Wrong Message
Understanding the Differences
Candles and Gunpowder
The Value of Concealed Treasure
What is Immodest?
Partial Disclosure = Exposure
Full Closets and Stingy Hearts
Resolves of the Modest
The Rewards of Modesty


What are your clothes saying about you?
Don't forget to come back and finish reading my posts.

Blessings,
Amanda

Christian Graduations and Young Ladies

by Douglas W. Phillips, Esq., June 16, 2003

Over the years, I have spoken at numerous graduations for Christian students, only to hear the young ladies being celebrated, publicly declare their independence, and rejoice that “at last” they can toss the reigns of parental authority and escape the dominion of home life. From a biblical perspective, such students are unfit to be described as “graduated.” The word “graduated” comes from the Latin gradus which means to take a step. But the only step taken by such individuals is a step backwards. They should not “pass Go,” not “collect $200,” but go directly back to the starting point of their training where they must learn basics of biblical womanhood before a parent should even consider placing a seal of approval on their training or maturity.

The Bible actually has a great deal to say about what distinguishes a girl from a woman. For one thing, a mature Christian woman is one who has demonstrated that she has been trained and is ready for marriage. Historically, parents understood that it was their mission to raise their daughters to marriageable maturity so they could enjoy the husband “of their youth.”

To raise a daughter without thought to marriage, to instill in them a spirit of independence from the family, or to focus their training on a career outside the home, is actually to disqualify them for graduation and the next step in life. In contrast, a woman who meets the biblical requirements for graduation is one who is comfortable being under the jurisdiction of her father and seeks to make him successful in every way. She recognizes that God calls women to be under the authority of God-appointed men, first in the form of fathers, and later as husbands.

There are other clear benchmarks of mature Christian womanhood outlined in Scripture. They include demonstrating a spirit of submission to authority, modesty, and gracious communication (1 Peter 3), sobriety, an absence of gossip, and faithfulness in all things (1 Timothy 3), a love of home and children (Titus 2), and numerous skills that will equip the woman to guide and develop an economically successful and prosperous household (Proverbs 31). These are the very qualities (not John Dewey’s model of academic advancement) that should be celebrated and honored at a Christian graduation of a young lady.

Last night I attended one such graduation. Beall and I were honored to have been asked to sponsor and speak at the graduation of Miss Lourdes Torres. The event signified much more than just the completion of academic requirements. In fact, academics were purely incidental to the real reason for the celebration. The heart and soul of the purpose of the graduation was for her Mom and Dad to honor the Lord for bringing their daughter into mature Christian womanhood.

Beall and I have known the graduate for more than three years. In fact, we consider her to be a member of the family, and her parents to be the dearest of friends. She has assisted my wife on more occasions than any of us could count and even traveled with us on adventures with Vision Forum. The celebration was a special blessing because, in every respect, Lourdes personified the characteristics that a Christian woman should possess to be described as “commencing” or graduating to the next step on the journey of mature Christian womanhood. What a tremendous blessing!

After the celebration, families and friends from our church and the San Antonio community fellowshipped late into the evening. My heart rejoiced to see the young ladies of our community delight in loving and caring for the children; to see the men discussing things of God, and to watch families, many of whom share a common vision, fellowship.

http://www.visionforumministries.org/issues/education/christian_graduations_and_youn.aspx

41 Evidences of Pride

~41 Evidences of Pride~

Nancy DeMoss

May 16 2005 05:00PM

41 Evidences of Pride

Article from More of Him
~
Humility is the foundation stone, the starting place for experiencing personal revival- coming to see our need for humility.
~
1. Do you look down on those who are less educated, less affluent, less refined, or less successful than yourself?
~
2. Do you think of yourself as more spiritual than your mate or others in your church?
~
3. Do you have a judgemental spirit toward those who don't make the same lifestyle choices as you do... dress standards, how you school your kids, entertainment standards etc...?
~
4. Are you quick to find fault with others and to verbalize those thoughts to others? Do you have a sharp critical tongue?
~
5. Do you frequently correct or criticize your mate, your pastor or other people in position of leadership (teachers, etc...)
~
6. Do you give undo time, attention and effort to your physical appearance- hair, make up, clothing, weight, body shape, avoiding appearance of aging?
~
7. Are you proud of the schedule you keep, how disciplined you are, how much you are able to accomplish?
~
8. Are you driven to receive approval, praise, or acceptance from others?
~
9. Are you argumentative?
~
10. Do you generally think your way is the right way, the only way or the best way?
~
11. Do you have a touchy, sensative spirit? Easily offended? Get your feelings hurt easily?
~
12. Are you guilty of pretense? Trying to leave a better impression of yourself than is really true? (Would the people at church or body of believers be shocked if they knew what you wre like at home?)
~
13. Do you have a hard time admitting when you are wrong?
~
14. Do you have a hard time confessing your sin to God or others? (not just in generalities, but in specifics)
~
15. Do you have a hard time sharing your real spiritual needs/struggles with others?
~
16. Do you have a hard time praying aloud with others?
~
17. Are you exessively shy?
~
18. Do you have a hard time reaching out and being friendly to people you don't know at church?
~
19. Do you resent being asked or expected to serve your family, your parents or others?
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20. Do you become defensive when you are criticized or corrected?
~
21. Are you a perfectionist? Do you get irked or impatient with people who aren't?
~
22. Do you tend to be controlling-of your mate, your children, friends, those in your workplace?
~
23. Do you frequently interrupt people when they are speaking?
~
24. Does your mate feel intimitated by your "spirituality"?
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25. Does your mate feel like he/she never measure up to your expectations of what it means to be a good mate,etc.?
~
26. Do you often complain-about the weather, your health, your circumstances, your job, your church?
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27. Do you talk about yourself too much?
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28. Are you more concerned about your problems, needs, burdens than about others' concerns?
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29. Do you worry about what others think of you? Too concerned about your reputation or your family's reputation?
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30. Do you neglect to express gratitude for "little things"? To God? To others?
~
31. Do you neglect prayer and intake of the Word?
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32. Do you get hurt if your acomplishments/or acts of service are not recognized or rewarded?
~
33. Do you get hurt if your feeling or opinions are not considered when your mate or boss is making a decision or if you are not informed when a change or a decision is made?
~
34. Do you react to rules? Do you have a hard time being told what to do?
~
35. Are you self-conscious because of your lack of education or natural beauty, or your socio-economic status?
~
36. Do you avoid participating in certain events, for fear or being embarrassed or looking foolish?
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37. Do you avoid being around certain people because you feel inferior compared to them/don't feel you measure up?
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38. Are you uncomfortable inviting people to your home because you don't think it's nice enough or you can't afford to do lavish entertaining?
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39. Is it hard for you to let others know when you need help (practical or spiritual)?
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40. When is the last time you said these words to a family member, friend, or co-worker: "I was wrong; would you please forgive me?" (If it's been more then a month, mark it down!)
~
and lastly....
~
41. Are you thinking how many of these questions apply to someone you know? Are you feeling pretty good that none of these things really apply to you? ....
~
God spoke through the prophet Obadiah to the people of Edom in that prophet's day. Obadiah, chapter 1, verse 3 and he said, "The pride of your heart has deceived you."Here's what Spurgeon had to say about that verse. He said, "Pride is self-deceit. Those who are sure that they have no pride are probably the proudest of all. The confidence that we're not deceived may only prove the completeness of the deception under which we labor." And so we need to say, "Lord, would You show me where I am self-deceived? Reveal my heart to me. Let me see it as You see it. Show me the pride of my heart and as You do, I will repent, I will humble myself, I will agree with You and I will let You bring me to a place of humility. That's the starting place of revival.

-Nancy DeMoss ( www.reviveourhearts.com )
~
Grace and peace to you all!!!
~
-Chanin

http://www.moreofhim.net/ / www.xanga.com/more_of_him

Blessings,
Amanda

The Problem With Dating

The Problems with Dating

Compiled by Nathan Bailey

Why do people feel so strongly about these issues? Because the "dating game" is such a dangerous game to play! Whether you are the predator or the prey, you are quite likely to be hurt by the recreational dating scene. Some may come out unscarred from the pit of snakes, but is that any reason to walk through it?

Dating promotes lust and moderate s_xual* activity, opening the door for fornication.

Dating develops a self-centered, feeling-oriented concept of love.

Dating creates a permanent endorphin-bond between two people who will not spend their lives together.

Dating teaches people to break off difficult relationships, conditioning them more for divorce than marriage.

Dating creates a standard of comparison by which mates are first chosen, but after marriage rejected.

Dating develops an appetite for variety and change, creating dissatisfaction within marriage.

Dating causes late marriages, leaving more time for falling into sins associated with singleness.

Dating destroys fellowship, leaving Christians alienated and ineffective uncooperative ministry.

Dating lacks the protections and guidance afforded by parental involvement of courtship.

Dating doesn't prepare children to face "life's realities" ~ it warps life's realities!

Dating devalues s_x and marriage.

Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.

Dating tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.

Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.

Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.

Dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.

Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.

Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.

These problems are extracted from "Dating: Is It Worth the Risk?" by Reb Bradley; "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris; "Dating, Betrothal and Courtship" by Dr S. M. Davis, "Dating vs. Courtship" by Paul Jehle, and various posts to the "Courtship Ring" mailing list. Please see the list of resources for details of where to access these resources!

A Strong Woman vs. A Woman of Strength

A Strong Woman vs. A Woman of Strength

~

A strong woman works out everyday to keep her body in shape...

but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

~

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything...

but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

~

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...

but a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

~

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...

but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings,

and capitalizes on them.

~

A strong woman walks sure-footed...

but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

~

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...

but a woman of strength wears grace.

~

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...

but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey

that she will become strong.

~

~Author Unknown~

Secrets Of A Happy Home Life

Secrets Of A Happy Home Life
~
J.R. Miller
1894

~

(I believe this article came from http://www.more-of-him.blogspot.com/)

~

~The Secret Of A Happy Home Life~
~

Home is among the holiest of words. A true home is one of the most sacred of places. It is a sanctuary into which men flee from the world's perils and alarms. It is a resting-place to which at close of day the weary retire to gather new strength for the battle and toils of tomorrow. It is the place where love learns its lessons, where life is schooled into discipline and strength, where character is molded. Out of the homes of a community comes the life of the community, as a river from the thousand springs that gush out on the hillsides.

~

We are all concerned in the making of some one home--our own home. One instrument out of tune in an orchestra mars the music which breaks upon the ears of the listeners. One discordant life in a household mars the perfectness of the music of love in the family. We should make sure that our life is not the one that is out of tune. We do not need to worry about the other lives; if each looks to his own, that will do.

When our Lord sent His disciples out to preach, one of His instructions was--"Into whatever house you enter, first say, Peace be to this house." Peace is a good word. It is more than a salutation; falling from the Master's lips, it is a divine benediction as well. Peace, too, is a fruit of grace, which includes all that is sweetest and most divine in Christian culture. It is especially suggestive of the harmony of love, which is the perfection of beautiful living. Christ's peace is a blessing, which comes out of struggle and discipline. Well, therefore, does the salutation "Peace!" befit a Christian home, which ought to be the abode of peace.

What are some of the secrets of happy home life? The answer might be given in one word--Christ. Christ at the marriage-altar; Christ on the bridal journey; Christ when the new home is set up; Christ when the baby is born; Christ when a child dies; Christ in the pinching times; Christ in the days of plenty; Christ in the nursery, in the kitchen, in the parlor; Christ in the toil and in the rest; Christ along all the years; Christ when the wedded pair walk toward the sunset gates; Christ in the sad hour when farewells are spoken, and one goes on before and the other stays, bearing the unshared grief. Christ is the secret of happy home life.

~

~The Husband's Part~

~

He is to be to her what Christ is to the Church

~

No man is fit to be a husband who is not a good man. He need not be great, nor rich, nor brilliant, nor clever, but he must be good, or he is not worthy to take a gentle, trusting woman's tender life into his keeping. Of course he must love his wife; without love there is no real marriage, and ceremony and ring and vows and prayer are only empty formalities. He must love his wife and be always her lover. The world has read and heard quite enough moralizing about a wife's duty to be always winning and attractive, retaining the charm of girlhood amid all cares, toils, and sorrows. Of course; but is a husband under less obligation to love his wife and always to be lover-like? This is a good rule, which should work both ways.

~

But affectionateness, however desirable, is not all that is needed in a husband who would do his full share in happy home making. Life is not all sentiment. We cannot live on ambrosia. Happiness must have a very practical basis. A good husband must be a man. He must be a good man-manly, true, worthy, brave, generous, a man whom a noble woman can respect and honor all the days of her life. He must be a sober man; no man who comes home under the influence of intoxicating drink, even occasionally only, is going to do quite his share in making happiness for the woman who has trusted her all to him. He must be a man of pure, unblemished life, whose character is above suspicion, whose name will always be an honor and a pride in his own home. The husband has a great deal to do with the question of home happiness.

~

If a man will insist on his wife fulfilling her part, he must also insist on honestly fulfilling his own part,--all the sacred duties which are his as a HUSBAND. What, then, is the husband's share in this happy home making? "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself up for it" (Eph. 5:25). A husband is to love his wife. Is love despotic? Does love put its object in a servant's place? No; love serves. It seeks not its own. It desires "not to be served, but to serve." It does not demand attention, deference, service, subjection. It seeks rather to serve, to give, to honor.

~

The measure of the love required by the husband is to be well noted--"Even as Christ also loved the Church." This is a lofty standard. How did Christ show His love for His Church? Think of His gentleness to His friends, His patience with them in all their faultiness, His thoughtfulness, His unwearying kindness. Never did a harsh word fall from His lips upon their ears. Never did He do anything to give them pain. It was not easy for Him at all times to maintain such constancy and such composure and quietness of love toward them; for they were very faulty, and tried Him in a thousand ways. But His affection never wearied nor failed for an instant. Husbands are to love their wives even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself up for it. He loved even to the cost of utmost self-sacrifice.

~

There are men, however, who would do this, whose love would sacrifice even life itself for a wife, but who fail in daily and hourly tenderness, when there is no demand for great self-denial. Hence the other counsel must be remembered--"Love your wives, and be not bitter against them." More wives might complain of the lack of love in the little tendernesses than in great acts and manifestations.

~

A true woman's heart craves gentleness. It is hurt by bitter words, by coldness, by impatience, by harsh criticisms, by neglect, by the withholding of the expressions of affection. Love craves its daily bread of tenderness. No husband should deny his wife the little things of affection, the amenities of love, along the busy, trying days, and then think to make amends by putting a flower in her cold hand when she lies in the coffin. Will not conscience then whisper love's reproach?

~

A FATHER also should be a blessing to a home. The modern tendency to put upon the wife and mother all the responsibility for the making of the home and its happiness is not sanctioned by Christian teachings. The divine commands for the building of the home and the training of the children are given primarily to the man, although meant for both husband and wife. He cannot evade the responsibility; his position as the head of the family puts upon him the obligation. Besides, it is not manly that a man should want to put the whole burden on her whom he calls "the weaker vessel." If his wife is weak and he is so strong, let him remember that it is the privilege and the duty of strength to bear the heavy part of life's burdens.

~

There are parts of the home duty which a woman can do infinitely better than a man. Men's hands are clumsy, and often hurt gentle hearts, when it was meant that they should give healing and help. The man has the heavy care of providing for the household. There are tasks, too, for which woman's gentler hands are better fitted. But let no husband nurse the notion that he has no responsibility for the happiness of his home beyond providing food and clothing and other comforts. His strong life should be the secure shelter beneath which his wife and children may safely abide. His character should be a continual revealing of the love and truth and holiness of God. He should live so that, seeing him day after day, his family shall learn to know the beauty of Christ. He is the priest of his house, and as such should both speak to God for his family and speak to them for God. Through him blessings should come to his home every day.

~

~The Wife's Part~

~

The WIFE, too, has a responsibility. The prosaic arts of housekeeping are far more important factors of home happiness than many people without experience imagine. John Ruskin talks to young women of the etymology of the name 'wife'--"What do you think the beautiful word 'wife' comes from?" he asks. "It means 'weaver.' You must either be house-wives or house-moths; remember that. In the deep sense, you must weave men's fortunes, and embroider them, or feed upon them, and bring them to decay. Wherever a true wife comes, home is always around her. The stars may be the canopy over her head, the glow-worm in the night's cold grass be the fire at her feet, but home is where she is; and for a noble woman it stretches far around her,--better than houses with ceilings of cedar, or with paintings of the masters, shedding its quiet light for those who else were homeless."

~

Home is the true wife's kingdom. There, first of all places, she must be strong and beautiful. She may touch life outside in many ways, if she can do it without slighting the duties that are hers within her own doors. But if any calls for her service must be declined, they should not be the duties of her home. These are hers, and no other one's. Very largely does the wife hold in her hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness and the highest good of the hearts that nestle there. The best husband--the truest, the noblest, the gentlest, the richest-hearted--cannot make his home happy if his wife be not, in every reasonable sense, a helpmate to him.

~

In the last analysis, home happiness depends on the wife. Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere. Her hands fashion its beauty. Her heart makes its love. And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call, should consider any price too great to pay, to be the light, the joy, the blessing, the inspiration of a home.

~

Men with fine gifts think it worth while to live to paint a few great pictures which shall be looked at and admired for generations; or to write a few songs which shall sing themselves into the ears and hearts of men. But the woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.

~

On the other hand, true love in a wife also lives to serve. Love always serves, or it is not love at all. The greatest in Christ's kingdom are those who serve the most unselfishly. Husband and wife vie with each other in loving and serving. They mutually bear each other's burdens. The husband is the head, but he never says so; never reminds his wife of it; never claims authority; and defers to her in everything.

~

The wife recognizes her husband as head, honors him, looks up to him with esteem and confidence--all the more because he never demands subjection. Thus true love in husband and wife never has any trouble about rights or place. Side by side they stand, these two wedded lovers, each a part of the other, each incomplete, a mere fragment without the other, but strong in their happy union in love.

~

But there are other elements in the composition of the home. Among the blessings which make happiness are the CHILDREN, who come with their sweet life and their holy gladness. Children bring cares and troubles, and demand toil and sacrifice, ofttimes cost pain and grief; yet the blessing they bring to a true home a thousand times repays the care and the cost. It is a sacred hour in a home when a baby is born and laid in the arms of a young father and mother. It is the final seal upon their wedded love. It is the closing benediction of the marriage ceremony. It draws fragments of heaven trailing after it to the home on earth. Few deeper, purer joys are ever experienced in this world than the joy of true parents on the birth of their first child. Much of home's happiness along the years is made by the children. They are also great blessings to their parents. Ofttimes they teach more lessons than they are taught. We say we train our children; but they train us, also, if we think of them as we should,--as immortal beings come from God to be prepared by us for their mission. A reverent mother sings softly over her child's cradle–

~

"My child, I fear you; you are a spirit, soul!
How shall I walk before you?
and keep my garments whole?
O Lord, give strength,
give wisdom for the task.
To train this child for You."

~

Jesus said of little children, that those who receive them in His name receive Him. May we not, then, surely say that children bring great possibility of blessing and happiness to a home? If we receive them as Christ's messengers, as sent to us in His name, and entertain them as we would entertain Him if He had come in place of them, we shall get from them deep and rich good and joy.

~

A true mother is one of the holiest secrets of home happiness. God sends many beautiful things to this world, many noble gifts; but no blessing is richer than that which He bestows in a mother who has learned love's lessons well, and has realized something of the meaning of her sacred calling.

~

~The Children's Part~

~

BROTHERS and SISTERS have their part in making the home happiness. Yet not always do they live together so as to make the music of the home one glad, sweet song. Sometimes there is a lack of congeniality in their dispositions. Then ofttimes there seems to be the feeling that home affections do not need the culture that other friendships require. We cannot be brusque, curt, or crude with other people, and expect them to bear patiently with us in spite of our unmannerly behavior. But we are sure of our 'home friends',--so we let ourselves feel,--and do not need to be gentle and thoughtful towards them. So it is that in too many homes brothers and sisters live together year after year under the same roof, mingling in the household communion, yet never forming close friendships, soul never knitting to soul, strangers to each other's inner life. Thus many rich possibilities of close and holiest friendships are missed.

~

Another thing that too often mars the home life of brothers and sisters is a spirit of 'commanding' and criticism. Faults are seen, and openly, and not in a gentle way, pointed out and reproved. What one does the others are apt to do; and thus the habit grows, until little but 'sharp speech' and 'inappropriate wrangling' is heard in the home where the conversation might have so much in it of sweetness and profit.

~

These are suggestions of ways in which, in too many homes, one of the secrets of happiness is lost. It is possible for brothers and sisters to live together in a home so as to add greatly to the happiness and the richness of the household life, and to be comforts and helps to each other. It is said that the poet sisters, Alice and Phoebe Cary, had a secret of happy living together which it were well if all brothers and sisters could learn. "Whatever one felt or endured, because of it she would not inflict any suffering upon her sister! no, not even if that sister had inadvertently been the cause of it. If one sister was out of sorts, she went into her own room, shut her door, and had it out by herself."

~

These are good rules to be adopted in other homes. If we are feeling uncomfortable from any cause, we have no right, according to the law of love, to diffuse our irritations through the household. If we are in any unhappy mood, in which we cannot suppress the ill-humor, we have no right to vent it in the circle of our loved ones, and would far better go to our own room, or out into the fresh air, alone, somewhere, and stay until we have gotten back our sweet spirit again, so that we can scatter roses, not thorns, among our loved ones.

~

The possibilities of happiness and blessing among brothers and sisters can be realized only by cultivating the love that seeks not its own, that is not provoked, that bears all things, endures all things, and never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Love's first lesson is that of giving up one's own way, denying one's self, suffering in silence. Where this lesson has been learned, or is being learned, in a household of young people, each thinks of giving to the others, not of taking from them. Each cultivates gentleness and kindness. The speech of the home grows quiet and tender, is never loud nor angry. The Golden Rule is the law of each life. There is love, and love that reveals itself in a thousand little ways of courtesy and thoughtfulness--nameless things, but things that make up a home happiness on which heaven's angels look down with delight.

~

Not very long can any family life go on unbroken. Death will visit every home. While we may, we should live together sweetly, patiently, loving and serving each other in all beautiful and Christly ways.

~

~Some Suggestions~

~

1. One is that love must prevail in all the family life. Let parents keep the confidence and affection of their children as long as they live. One of the ways to make sure of this is never to tire of the little marks and tokens of love which children naturally give. The time never comes when it is unmanly for a man to kiss his mother. In the ideal home every child has a good-night kiss for the parents before parting for bed. Let the children do their part, too, in showing affection. There are homes, chill and cold, which could be warmed into love's richest glow in a little time, if all the household hearts were to grow affectionate to each other.

~

2. Another suggestion is, that all family strife and contention should cease. Why should parents discourage their children by continually nagging and finding fault with them? Why should children dishonor their parents by disobedience, by crude and unfilial treatment, by lack of respect, by refusing to yield to the order of the home? Why should brothers fail in the duties of civility and courtesy to their sisters? Why should sisters show no loving interest in their brothers, and fail to overshadow them as with angel-wings? Why should brothers wrangle and quarrel, separate their interests, and not stand together? Why should sisters have their miserable little disputes, their envies, jealousies and resentments? Let there be peace in all the home-life.

~

3. Another suggestion is, that we should not grow discouraged, even if our homes are not yet what we crave. There are some who feel that the battle is hopeless; that they can never grow into beautiful life and character in their present circumstances. That is a mistake. It is possible to grow into all the beauty of peace wherever we may be placed. A lily finds its home in a black bog, but blooms into perfect loveliness.

~

Suppose that your home-life is discouraging, even to the last degree; yet you may live sweetly in the midst of it, through the grace and help of God. And who knows but that your sweet life may become the power of God to change the home-life into heavenliness? Perhaps God has put you as leaven there, to leaven the whole lump.

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I have known a girl go out of a godless, worldly home to college, to find Christ and return home a beautiful earnest Christian. Then I have seen that home transformed in a few years, by that daughter's quiet influence, into an ideal Christian home.

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At least, though our home be not what we would like it to be, though it lack warmth and tenderness and congeniality, still, while it is our home, it is our duty to stay in it contentedly, and grow in it into beauty. We know that Jesus lived until thirty years of age in a humble peasant home, with but little culture and education, amid the privations of poverty and hard toil. Yet He was not discontented there. He did not complain of the narrowness and the littleness. He did not chafe under the limitations and the burdens. There His life grew into that marvelous sweetness, that wondrous beauty, that richness and greatness, which we see in Him, when, at thirty years of age, He went out to begin His ministry. Wherever we are planted, we, too, can grow into strength, nobleness and loveliness.

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4. Patience is another lesson in learning to live happily together at home. The children of a family have not all the same tastes. It is very easy to fall into the habit of criticizing each other. We know how nearly Martha spoiled her home happiness, and her sister's also, by criticism. Criticism never fosters affection; you never loved any one better for criticizing you. Usually the best service we can do to a brother or sister is to live a sweet, patient, beautiful, Christly life ourselves, leaving to God the fashioning of their lives. If they are true Christians, He is teaching them and putting His own image on their souls. We might mar this divine work by our criticism.

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Suppose you went into an artist's studio and saw a picture at which he had been working for months, yet unfinished; would you, not being an artist, take up his brush and begin to put touches here and there on the canvas? Each life of husband or wife, child, brother or sister, in your home is a picture which God is painting, and which is yet unfinished. Beware that you mar not His work! So let us be patient with one another at home. We all have our faults, we all make mistakes--but we can help each other more by loving patience, than by scathing criticism.

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5. True Religion is the great master-secret of all happy home life! The spirit of Christ alone will enable us to live together in perfect peace and love. The presence of Christ in the home is a perpetual blessing. We cannot be selfish, we cannot wrangle and strive, we cannot be bitter and unkind, we cannot be irritable and unreasonable, when conscious of the presence of Christ. If only we can make Christ an abiding guest in our home, and if we can keep ourselves aware of His being with us, our household life cannot help but grow wondrously sweet!

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Into every home, at some time, SORROW comes. Then it is that the blessing of religion is specially revealed. We do not see the stars until the sun goes down. The comforts of Christian faith do not reveal themselves to us in their richest light and peace until the darkness of sorrow rests upon our home. But there is light in the darkness when Christ is the guest. Indeed, it is true that when Christ is in a home, even sorrow itself becomes one of the secrets of happiness. Our Lord's beatitude says--"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4).

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Homes that have never known grief may be very happy in love, and very bright with sweet gladness; but after sorrow has been a guest within their doors, and has left its messages and blessings, there is a depth of quiet joy never experienced before. The family fellowship is sweeter after there has been a break in the circle. The love is tenderer when tears have come into its gladness. A vacant chair is a new and sacred bond in the household life.

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But it is only when Christ is in the home that sorrow sweetens the life. There can be no rainbow without cloud and rain; but neither can there be a rainbow, even with cloud and rain, unless the sun is shining through the falling drops. The rarest splendors of happiness can be known only when sorrow's clouds have overshadowed the home and the rain of tears is falling; but unless the light of divine love is pouring through the tears there can be no splendor of peace and comfort; nothing but darkness and cloud.

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Few things we can do in this world are so well worth doing as the making of a beautiful and happy home. He who does this builds a sanctuary for God and opens a fountain of blessing for men. Far more than we know, do the strength and beauty of our lives depend upon the home in which we dwell. He who goes forth in the morning from a happy, loving, prayerful home, into the world's strife, temptation, struggle, and duty, is strong--inspired for noble and victorious living. The children who are brought up in a true home go out trained and equipped for life's battles and tasks, carrying in their hearts a secret of strength which will make them brave and loyal to God, and will keep them pure in the world's severest temptations.

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We may all do loving service, therefore, by helping to make one of the world's homes,--the one in which we dwell--brighter and happier. No matter how plain it may be, or how old-fashioned, if love is in it, if prayer connects it with heaven, if Christ's blessing is upon it, it will be a transfigured spot! Poverty is no severe trial if the home is full of bright cheer. The hardest toil is light if love sings its songs amid the clatter.

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Let us live more for our homes. Let us love one another more. Let us cease to complain, criticize and contradict each other. Let us be more patient with each other's faults. Let us not keep back the warm loving words that lie in our hearts until it is too late for them to give comfort. Soon separations will come. One of every wedded pair will stand by the other's coffin and grave. Then every bitter word spoken, and every neglect of love's duty, will be as a thorn in the heart.

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Thomas Carlyle, that gifted author, when he passed the spot where he had last seen his wife alive, would bare his old head in wind or rain, his features wrung with bitter, unavailing sorrow. "Oh", he would say, "if I could see her but for five minutes, to assure her that I really cared for her throughout all that time! But she never knew it--she never knew it!"

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We must give account for our idle silences as well as for our idle words.

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Article from http://www.more-of-him.blogspot.com/

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