Building and Tearing down
Mothers, you know the great importance Yahweh places on building generations of righteousness. If you desire it in your home, I must say that you can be the greatest single help to your husband (besides Yahweh) or you can be the greatest stumbling block to making it a reality. How can you best help your husband bring it into a reality? You have a very important role and without it, the home will most likely fail:
Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
In this scripture, we see the difference between a wise woman and a foolish woman. Surely, you want to be the wise woman that builds her house rather than the foolish woman that "plucketh it down with her hands". Scripture is full of admonitions toward women and examples of how a wise woman conducts herself.
Proverbs 24:3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 4 And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Let's examine the characteristics of a foolish woman. First:
Proverbs 9:13 A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
What does it mean to be "clamorous"? The BDB Lexicon defines this word as:
1993 hm'h' hamah {haw-maw'}
Meaning: 1) to murmur, growl, roar, cry aloud, mourn, rage, sound, make noise, tumult, be clamorous, be disquieted, be loud, be moved, be troubled, be in an uproar 1a) (Qal) 1a1) to growl 1a2) to murmur (fig. of a soul in prayer) 1a3) to roar 1a4) to be in a stir, be in a commotion 1a5) to be boisterous, be turbulent
The above characteristics are present in a foolish woman. In context, the foolish and simple woman in Proverbs 9 is a harlot. She is loud, boisterous, murmuring and noisy. Her spirit is disquieted and she is obviously unsatisfied.
Proverbs 7:11 (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: 12 Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)
This is in great contrast to the will of Yahweh:
1pet 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Elohim of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in Elohim, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Scripture is worthy of instruction for our lives. Occasionally, a scripture will repeat something twice. When it does, I like to take notice. When it is repeated three times, I really like to take notice. However, there is one thing that is repeated in Proverbs five times. Yes, five times in the book of Proverbs we find the same concept repeated.
Proverbs 19:13 A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Proverbs 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Five times within 8 chapters we see the same exact concept repeated. Why is it repeated so often? Many look at these verses and just chuckle a bit and move on. But I do not believe that the purpose for these proverbs was to create humor, but rather to admonish and instruct. It is obvious that the role of a woman in a home is not to contend or brawl. Doing so feeds the desire of a man to go elsewhere. Perhaps it isn't in the wilderness or on the corner of a rooftop, but it is probably at work or with his friends or anywhere but that house! Is it any wonder so many men are not home with their families? Surely, it is their fault alone but so often their foolish wives feed this destructive cycle with their contentions and brawling.
As a woman of the home, and wife to the man, she has great influence over the decisions her husband makes. Many are the examples of the women who brought down their house with their influence. Starting with Adam:
Genesis 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Genesis 3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
In the Torah, Yahweh knew the potential of a foolish woman:
Deuteronomy 7:1 When Yahweh thy Elohim shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou; 2 And when Yahweh thy Elohim shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: 3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. 4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of Yahweh be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
Exodus 34:14 For thou shalt worship no other Elohim: for Yahweh, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous Elohim: 15 Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods, and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice; 16 And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.
So important was Yahweh's command not to take on such wives, that the people of Yahweh had to put them away in the books of Nehemiah and Ezra.
Ezra 10:10 And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel. 11 Now therefore make confession unto Yahweh Elohim of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives. 12 Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As thou hast said, so must we do.
Solomon knew the potential very well:
1 Kings 11:4 For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with Yahweh his Elohim, as was the heart of David his father.
As did Ahab:
1 Kings 21:25 But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of Yahweh, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up.
Can we begin to see the influence and importance of a woman's role in the home? She is extremely important to the outcome of the home. She can tear it down with her hands, or she can build it up. Job's wife made an attempt to tear down what was left of their home:
Job 2:9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse Elohim, and die. 10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of Elohim , and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.
Job warned her of speaking as a foolish woman speaks. It is true that a woman's speech has much influence on the home. Note that the examples of women who tore down their homes did so with their speech. Delilah was one:
Judges 16:15 And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth. 16 And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; 17 That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto Elohim from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.
From contention to clamor to the wearing down of a man with words, a foolish woman has been the destruction of many a man. Proverbs speaks much warning of avoiding a 'strange woman' and 'foolish woman' that would draw a man's heart away through lust and adultery. All throughout scripture, women were used as powerful tools of the devil or powerful blessings from Yahweh. Women have the choice to be one or the other.
Let's now talk about the blessings! In the same way a woman can tear down a house with her words, so can she build it up:
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
See! A woman's influence can not just turn a man's heart away from Yahweh, but can turn his heart to Yahweh! But, be certain it is not done through nagging and persuading. It is done through chaste conversation and fear. More on this later :)
The blessing of motherhood
If only the women of this generation could see the great blessings of motherhood! But so often the role of a mother is insulted and considered bland, boring and of low skill. But to Yahweh, it is all-important:
1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Saved in childbearing? What could this mean? Some understand it to mean that women are saved in childbearing because it was through the birth of Messiah that we are all saved. This may be, but the text doesn't necessarily say that a woman is saved because she has borne children, but that childbearing is the role that a saved woman functions in, rather than being in a role of authority and teaching men.
Many are the examples of women in scripture that considered childbearing to be of great importance. Rachel was one:
Genesis 30:1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die. 2 And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in Elohim's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?
"Give me children or else I die"! So important was the role of bearing children, that there was a great enmity in Jacob's home because Leah was bearing children and Rachel was barren.
1Samuel 1:9 So Hannah rose up after they had eaten in Shiloh, and after they had drunk. Now Eli the priest sat upon a seat by a post of the temple of Yahweh. 10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto Yahweh, and wept sore. 11 And she vowed a vow, and said, O Yahweh of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto Yahweh all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.
Yahweh heard Hannah, knowing that she had vowed to give this child to Him. This child became Samuel, a great prophet and priest of Yahweh. Samuel was the one who replaced Eli, the wicked priest who had his generations cut off because he did not restrain the evil deeds of his children (See the "Fathers, Turn Your Hearts!" study).
Deuteronomy 7:12 Wherefore it shall come to pass, if ye hearken to these judgments, and keep, and do them, that Yahweh thy Elohim shall keep unto thee the covenant and the mercy which he sware unto thy fathers: 13 And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb, and the fruit of thy land, thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep, in the land which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee. 14 Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.
All throughout scripture, Yahweh's opening of a barren womb was considered to be a great blessing. Yahweh did so with many women in scripture:
- Sarah, who bore Isaac
- Rebekah, who bore Jacob and Esau
- Rachel, who bore Joseph and Benjamin
- Manoah's wife, who bore Samson
- Hannah, who bore Samuel
- Elisabeth, who bore John the Baptist
There we see a list of great men of scripture. The women who bore these men were no doubt thankful and appreciated the role of motherhood. If you are a mother with children, praise Yahweh of heaven along with Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Manoah's wife, Hannah and Elisabeth for the blessing He has poured out on you! It is high time that we lift up the blessing and importance of motherhood! So important is the role of motherhood, that one is not even considered a widow unless she has brought up children:
1 Timothy 5:9 Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, 10 Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work. 11 But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Messiah, they will marry; 12 Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. 13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. 14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 15 For some are already turned aside after Satan. 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the assembly be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed.
Therefore, we again see the importance of childbearing. I have had some women say things to me something like, "What do I have? I can't go out and be used by Yahweh to bring others to Messiah like my husband. I'm stuck at home with these kids". Such is the attitude of many women today, but it ought not be so! Mothers, you not only have great influence on your husband, you also have great influence on the righteousness of your children. As mentioned in the "Fathers, Turn Your Hearts!" study, if you had 2 children and 6 generations thereafter had 2 children, you would have influenced 252 children. If you had 5 children and 6 generations thereafter had 5 children, you would have influenced 97,655 children! You have hundreds, if not thousands of people that you influence every day of your life. With every bit of time you spend with your children, with every conversation, every bit of care and every action, you potentially are also (in a sense) doing so with many many others. And not only with your children's children, but also consider the ones that they may influence and bring to righteousness. What a shame it would be, if a woman would receive the great blessing of having children, only to see her tear down her house with contentions and brawling and clamor and straying from the faith in Yahweh and the role that Yahweh created her to be in! A wise woman will bring forth wise children:
Proverbs 10:1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Why is it that the mother is brought to shame? She obviously is responsible for spending the greatest amount of time with the children. If her child is left to himself, his foolishness will bring his mother to shame. His foolishness isn't driven away by his mother. The great potential that a mother has to influence her children is typified in the example of Timothy, whose mother and grandmother were commended:
2 Timothy 1:2 To Timothy, a beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace from Elohim the Father and Messiah Yahushua our Master. 3 I thank Elohim, whom I serve with a pure conscience, as my forefathers did, as without ceasing I remember you in my prayers night and day, 4 greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, 5 when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also. 6 Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of Elohim which is in you through the laying on of my hands.
His mother and grandmother are commended for their genuine faith. From a child, Timothy was taught the Holy Scriptures:
2 Timothy 3:14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Messiah Yahushua.
Although Timothy was a young man (1Tim 4:12), he was used by Yahweh in a mighty way throughout scripture. Paul considered Timothy his "own son in the faith" and is mentioned many times in scripture. For example:
1 Corinthians 4:17 For this cause have I sent unto you Timotheus, who is my beloved son, and faithful in Yahweh, who shall bring you into remembrance of my ways which be in Messiah, as I teach every where in every church.
Letters to Timothy make up 2 books in the scriptures that we read. What great fruit was borne out of the dedication of his mother and grandmother! Their example should be an inspiration for all mothers to raise a son such as this.
It is sad that so many mothers today are looking for substitutes to fill their role. Too often, mothers today use the television or day care centers to babysit their children while they go off and do other things like chasing careers and chattering with friends or relatives. We see mothers using cow or vegetable-based milk substitutes to feed their children rather than the milk that Yahweh created children to drink. Is it any wonder there is a lack of bonding between mother and child in this day and age? Rather than providing healthy and wholesome meals for her household, many mothers slap together cheap and ready-made meals. And in spite of the modern day servants, in the form of washing machines, dishwashers, microwaves and the like, many modern day mothers complain about the lack of time. Yet, she usually finds the time to watch her TV programs, talk on the phone with friends/relatives or waste her life away with other foolish and unprofitable things. It ought not be so!
This is not to say that motherhood is easy, because it isn't! It is a tough job that takes hard work, diligence and virtuous character.
Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
A virtuous woman is rare. But it is a worthy goal to be attained. Let's examine her characteristics:
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
First, we see that her husband trusts her. She is in a right relationship with her husband. This is an important foundation. We will discuss more of this in the next study
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
We see that the virtuous woman is a worker. She is not a lazy woman. She "worketh willingly with her hands" to run the household. We see that her focus is the home. She is not focused on a career, being a busybody or wasting her time.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
Notice that she rises while it is yet night to provide for her household, and her candle "goeth not out by night". She obviously puts the needs of others before her own needs, even the need of sleep. Because "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her", she is trusted to make wise purchasing decisions for her household.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
Notice that not only are the needs of her household met, she is able to provide for the needs of other households. She is literally overflowing with an abundance of blessings for her house and with this abundance, helps the poor and needy. What a blessed home!
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Not only does her house have clothing, her house is clothed well and she is able to sell clothing to others for profit.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Her clothing is her character, and her adorning is her works. As we read earlier, this kind of adornment is the will of Yahweh:
1Peter 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Elohim of great price.5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in Elohim, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
Continuing in Proverbs:
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
We see that her conversation is not like the clamorous voice of a fool, but the wise voice of kindness. Kindness is the law on her lips.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
We see that she is not a woman of idleness, but a faithful worker that cares for the needs of her household. Idleness is the enemy of a virtuous woman.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth Yahweh, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
HalleluYah, we see what this virtuous woman reaps for her labors, kindnesses and a true fear of Yahweh. Her children call her blessed and her husband praises her. Her own fruits and works praise her. We see by this example the high degree of love and care that this woman has for her household. This is in stark contrast to the career women of today. Mothers, learn to love your role as a keeper of the house and mother to your children!
Let's now examine other characteristics of a righteous woman. The older women were expected to teach the younger women these characteristics:
Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
In this sentence we see the need for a woman to be sober. The Greek word here (#4994, from #4998) carries a meaning of being temperate and self controlled. Therefore, she is in control of herself and her emotions. We also see that she should love her husband and children. One would think that this should be obvious, but apparently it isn't! It was something that the older women needed to teach the younger women how to do. A woman's love for her husband and children will feed her desire to care for them to the level that the virtuous woman did in Proverbs 31.
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of Elohim be not blasphemed.
The Greek word for "discreet" in this verse is related to the one translated "sober" in the previous verse. There is a real emphasis on teaching the younger women to have a sound and self controlled mind. Friberg's Lexicon has:
"strictly, having a sound or healthy mind; as having ability to curb desires and impulses so as to produce a measured and orderly life self-controlled, sensible."
Being chaste is another thing that needed to be taught. The meaning behind this is purity. The same word is translated "pure" here:
1 Timothy 5:22 Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men's sins: keep thyself pure.
Being a "keeper at home" was also to be taught. Let's examine the various lexicons on this:
Thayer's:
"3626 oivkouro,j oikouros {oy-koo-ros'} Meaning: 1) caring for the house, working at home 1a) the (watch or) keeper of the house 1b) keeping at home and taking care of household affairs 1c) a domestic"
Friberg:
"of one preoccupied w. domestic affairs working at home, domestic subst. homemaker (TI 2.5)."
UBS Greek Dictionary:
"devoted to home duties"
Louw-Nida Lexicon:
" homemaker...one who works in the home - 'one who takes care of the home, homemaker."
They all agree, it means that a woman should be taking care of the house. This is in line with Proverbs 31 and other scriptures that we have examined to this point.
The women were also taught to be good and obedient to their husbands. To be good is obvious, to be obedient to their husbands is an issue we will address in the next study.
1 Timothy 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
This is yet another scripture uplifting the role of motherhood and the keeping of the home. In both verses, and in the scripture previously discussed, we see the concern raised that reproach is brought upon a home where a woman is not fulfilling these roles. If these things convict you, take away the reproach! It is time that women appreciate and love what Yahweh has called them to do. If this is what Yahweh has created women to do, then I have no doubt that this is where a woman is happiest. Yahweh created fish to swim in the water, animals to roam on land and birds to fly through the air. All of Yahweh's creation is happiest when it is where it was created to be. The same is true for men and women. Yahweh did not create women to be mighty leaders among men, but to care for the home and for the children. This is where she is happiest.
Jeremiah 8:7 Yea, the stork in the heaven knoweth her appointed times; and the turtle and the crane and the swallow observe the time of their coming; but my people know not the judgment of Yahweh.
Therefore, let's cast off the foolish influences of modern society and let's walk in the will of Yahweh for men and women. As we have seen, motherhood is a crucial part of a spirit filled home of righteousness. Without her, all the efforts of her husband can be in vain. There is much more to say in the next study when we discuss the role of wives. It is difficult to separate the role of wife and mother because they are so intricately mixed. A woman being the wife Yahweh desires her to be has much to do with whether she is building up her house or tearing it down with her hands. Consider the scriptures given about being a true mother to your children and keeper of the home. The right road is narrow and difficult, but surely Yahweh can bless the work of your hands and will be your help. Trust in Him as you walk in His ways. He will bring it to pass. May Yahweh bless you as You do so!
