Submission: A Wife's True Joy

Submission: A Wife's True Joy

by Martha Peace
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A teacher of second and third graders in a suburban Atlanta church heard the girls talking excitedly among themselves as she entered the classroom. The teacher asked them, "Girls, what are you talking about?" One little girl, speaking for the group, stepped forward and said, "We can't wait until we're seventeen years old!" "Why?," their teacher asked, thinking the little girl would answer that they could date or wear make up. Instead, she announced, "Because when we are seventeen, no one will tell us what to do!" After sitting down and gathering them together, the teacher (holding back her amusement) explained, "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. I'm almost forty years old and people are still telling me what to do!" She went on to explain that this is not really a bad thing, but a good thing. It is part of God's plan for every person. What those precious little girls had to learn is that God wants everyone to live under authority. What I want you to learn is how God wants you to "walk with Him" in joyful biblical submission to your husband.

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God's Orderly World

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God has created an orderly world. Within the family, God has given the husband authority over the wife for her protection (Ephesians 5:28-29). In fact, submission to her husband is the heart of God for the Christian wife. It is so important to God that made the submission to her husband a manifestation of "walking with the Lord," "being in the will of God," and "being filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:15-18).
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Therefore, be careful how you walk ... understand what the will of the Lord is ... be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs ... always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ... be subject to one another in the fear of Christ ... wives be subject to your own husbands ... (Ephesians 5:15-22, emphasis added).
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Many times a wife may fail to see clearly the importance of her submission because she is so focused on what her husband is doing wrong. Instead, she must learn to focus on her responsibility.

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The Christian Wife's Duty

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Because husbands are also sinners, they will, at times, be guilty of sinning against their wives. If a wife's primary concern is what her husband should do, she will likely miss what God wants her to understand and do. The wife must focus on her three God-give basic responsibilities towards her husband: to love him, to respect him, and to submit to him. Her "good works" are not dependent on what her husband does, but on her obedience to God in these three areas.

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When a husband has hurt his wife deeply by sinning against her, she can easily get caught up in thinking thoughts that help her to overlook or justify her own sinful behavior such as:
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- "If only he would do what he is supposed to do."
- "If only he weren't so selfish then I could be a better wife."
- "I can never be what God wants me to be because my husband is not doing the right thing."
- "He's the one who needs to change, not me."
- "God does not expect me to submit to a tyrant like him."
- "There's no point in my trying, he'll never change."
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No doubt most if not all husbands need to make some changes in their lives. But Scripture never says that the wife's obedience to God depends on her husband's conduct. Any wife who finds herself thinking thoughts like these needs to turn her focus from what her husband is doing wrong and instead make it her priority to please God by first laying aside her own disobedience to God's Word. The Lord Jesus put it this way...
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'You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye (Matthew 7:5, emphasis added).
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As a wife focuses on her God appointed responsibility to biblically submit to her husband, she will likely begin to see her circumstances more dearly and learn how to better deal with her husband's sin in a biblically appropriate way. In addition, as she studies what God's Word says about a godly wife's submission, any confusion she may have about submission should be cleared up.

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Four Principles of True Submission

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It could be that a wife's understanding of true biblical submission has been greatly distorted. Distrust and hostility towards biblical submission in our society is rampant. And because of the lack of clear faithful teaching, that same distrust and hostility often exists within the Christian community itself. One common misunderstanding is that submission of a wife to her husband is a burden, a "cross that the wife must bear." However, this is counter to the Bible's true teaching. The submission of a godly wife is more than a duty; it should be her heart's delight. There are at least four biblical principles concerning a wife's submission and joy:1. Joy results from trusting and obeying God's Word.
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Thy testimonies ... are the joy of my heart (Psalm 119:111).
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God's testimonies, His Word, were a joy to the Psalmist. He did have joy in some of God's testimonies, but all of them. For the Christian wife, biblical submission to her husband is one of God's testimonies and should therefore be a joy for her.
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For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments, and His commandments are not burdensome (I John 5:3).
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The godly Christian life should be one of joyful delight in God's commands, not one of resentment and struggle against them. God's commands are given for our good and our protection (Deuteronomy 10:13). Therefore, they should be your joy, not your burden. God's commands become a joy to you when you resolve to humbly submit to Him in advance of the actual opportunity. Then when tested at this point, you will have already made up your mind whom you are going to obey.

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2. Joy results from knowing that God is working to accomplish His Purpose even in difficult circumstances.
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Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials (James 1:2).
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God is always working His purpose in a wife's circumstances. He wants to develop Christ-like character within her and give her the special opportunity and privilege to glorify Him. God can even overcome what is evil or wicked for the wife's good as the character of Christ is developed within her. God's purpose will be accomplished no matter what! "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28,29). So, we are commanded to "consider it joy." You do that in the midst of a trial by thinking, "This is good for me and God has purpose in it or He would not permit it. This is not fun, but I do have joy in knowing that God is working in my life to accomplish His purposes."

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3. Joy results from following the example of the Lord Jesus in difficult times.
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Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame... but He did it for the joy that was set before Him (Hebrews 12:2, emphasis added).

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Like the Lord Jesus, a wife can have joy in knowing that she is pleasing to the Lord and that this (as Paul said) "...momentary light affliction is Producing for (her) an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison" (II Corinthians 4:17).

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As you look to tomorrow, it should be with hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. Because of Him, you can "smile at the future" (Proverbs 31:25). You must train yourself to see all of life through God's providential care over you. In trials, tell yourself "Love endures all things" (I Corinthians 13:7). I can endure this one more day. I can have joy in pleasing the Lord and will have joy in eternity because I pleased Him now."

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4. Joy results from a Spirit-filled life.

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There is a joy from within a person who is Spirit-filled. Ephesians 5:18 commands Christians to be "... filled with the Spirit ..." Being Spirit-filled means you are controlled by the Holy Spirit and by the Word of God (Colossians 3:16). It is not an experience that you feel but is a biblical responsibility which involves, in part, a way to think about life and God that is described in Ephesians 5. As you read further in Ephesians 5 you see joy in a "Spirit-filled" person because he or she is ...
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... singing and making melody with (his or her) heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things ...

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This joyful "Spirit-filled" person will also be "subject to her own husband as to the Lord ... in everything" (Ephesians 5:22-24). So, being filled with the Spirit encompasses both wifely submission and joy ("singing and making melody in (her) heart to the Lord, always giving thanks in all things.") In addition, there is another biblical connection with a person who is Spirit-filled, as they will be manifesting the fruit of the Holy Spirit, one of which is joy (see Galatians 5:22).

If you are "Spirit-filled," you will be expressing gratitude to God in all circumstances daily. Gratefulness should often be in your thoughts as well as verbally expressed. "Lord, thank You for ..." is a frequent thought of the person who is joyfully "filled with the Spirit."

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In understanding the biblical relationship between submission and joy, remember that submitting will not always be fun, but there is always joy in glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ. You should therefore commit yourself to learning submission, not with a dread of what is to come but with an anticipation of how you can best glorify your Lord. This is God's ordained purpose for you. He has created an orderly world, and He alone has the sovereign right to determine how He wants you (as a part of His creation) to glorify Him.